Do you have 60-90 minutes of your life to squander? Well, you’re in luck! The corporate behemoth known as Amazon Tours invites you to partake in the dubious pleasure of their public tours, conveniently scattered across various locations in the North American wasteland. Prepare yourself for a riveting exploration of what really happens behind the smoke and mirrors of a fulfillment center. Watch in awe as they guide you through the mundane process of order fulfillment, breaking it down into four “unique” steps that are guaranteed to make your heart race with excitement.
No Amazon is not getting into the tourism business, well in a way they are. Inform your nearest and dearest that you’ve got an Amazon Tour surprise in store for them, and watch as they anticipate jet-setting off to Brazil with excitement in their eyes.
But wait, it gets better! You’ll have the distinct honor of witnessing the wonders of “excellent technology and people” that have propelled Amazon to the heights of corporate domination. It’s almost like watching a sci-fi movie, only it’s your tax dollars that help fund this grand spectacle. It is the equivalent of visiting the Soylent Green assembly line akin to embarking on a tour where the odds of returning are quite slim.
The best part? Amazon is feeling particularly generous, offering multiple opportunities for you to witness this spectacle throughout the week. Yes, you heard it right, multiple free tour dates and times! It’s almost as if they can’t wait to show off their inner workings to the masses. Please consider that you may have the opportunity to work on their exceptional assembly line. Suggestion, please have an empty water bottle, a 90-minute walk can be taxing on your bladder.
And don’t forget, you’ll be under the watchful eye of their world-class Tour Guides. They’ll regale you with tales of Amazon’s greatness, ensuring that you’re not just wasting your time, but also absorbing the true essence of corporate America. The best cardio workout, the tour walk will surpass even the maze-like IKEA walk.
Oh, and a little pro tip for you: they strongly suggest you arrive early. In fact, they demand that you be 15 minutes ahead of your scheduled tour time. Because, clearly, your time is not as valuable as theirs. And if, by some misfortune, you don’t make it on time, tough luck! The show must go on without you. Once that tour starts, there’s no turning back, and you’ll have to live with the crushing disappointment of missing out on this life-altering experience.