Father’s Day: Father Knows Best or Does He?

With Father’s Day coming up soon, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a dad when your kids are no longer kids.

As the father of two children in their twenties, I’ve learned that parenting changes. Many parents still see their grown children as kids who need direction, but they’re adults now. They’re capable of making big decisions, big successes, and yes, big mistakes.

So what do you do as a dad?

Sometimes, nothing.

There’s a small but powerful scene in Season 2, Episode 2 of the Apple TV series Your Friends & Neighbors. Coop is sitting on the back porch with his father when they talk about a reality that eventually catches up to every parent. Parenthood slowly moves us to the sidelines.

The conversation is brief, but it carries some profound truths.

The biggest lesson is learning when to step aside. As parents, we spend years teaching, protecting, guiding, and worrying. Then one day, whether we’re ready or not, our children have to figure things out for themselves. Our role shifts from directing the action to standing on the sidelines, making sure they know we’re still there if they need us.

The theme that quietly runs through the conversation is how quickly life moves. One character reflects on how a carefully managed life can unravel without warning. It serves as a reminder not to postpone happiness, adventures, or rewards. None of us knows how much time we have, and good health is never guaranteed.

For fathers raising twenty-somethings, the best support often comes from listening rather than fixing. The job description changes. You’re no longer the authoritarian director. You’re a coach.

That means becoming a safe place where they can process uncertainty while still encouraging independence and accountability.

A few lessons I’ve learned along the way:

Ask permission before giving advice.
Nobody enjoys a surprise lecture. Listen first. Talk less. Wait until they’re actually open to hearing what you have to say.

Normalize the messy twenties.
Life doesn’t follow the same timetable it once did. Careers, marriages, and home ownership often happen later than previous generations expected. The twenties are less about arriving and more about setting the table.

Share your own mistakes.
Young adults connect with honesty. They don’t need to hear how perfect you were. They need to hear about the bad decisions, wrong turns, and uncertainties you faced when you were their age.

Set expectations at home.
If your adult child lives with you, support them without creating a permanent landing pad. Independence requires responsibility. Clear boundaries prevent resentment on both sides.

Take care of yourself.
One of the hardest lessons of parenting is accepting that you can’t control someone else’s choices. Focus on your own passions, friendships, health, and goals. Your children are building their lives. You should keep building yours, too.

Fatherhood never really ends. It simply evolves.

The challenge isn’t learning how to hold on. It’s learning when to let go.

Happy Father’s Day.