Pretty Maids All in a Row: Gene Roddenberry’s Bizarre Hollywood Detour with Rock Hudson

I love stumbling across movies that make me stop and ask, “How on earth did this get made?” Pretty Maids All in a Row is exactly that kind of discovery. I’ve caught it a few times on TCM, and every time it turns up, I’m reminded how unpredictable Hollywood could be back in 1971. The man who gave us Star Trek and its hopeful vision of the future was also involved in a movie that takes us somewhere considerably less comfortable.

Just look at the combination of talent. Rock Hudson, Angie Dickinson and Telly Savalas, directed by French filmmaker Roger Vadim, with Gene Roddenberry writing and producing. That’s quite a collection of names for one very peculiar movie. The Turner Classic Movies retrospective describes this unusual gathering of Hollywood talent as a particularly peculiar combination.

A Very Different Kind of Guidance Counsellor

Released in 1971, Pretty Maids All in a Row is a dark comedy and murder mystery based on Francis Pollini’s novel. Rock Hudson plays Michael “Tiger” McDrew, a married high school guidance counsellor and football coach at the fictional Oceanfront High School. Tiger is charming, popular and trusted by the people around him. Unfortunately, he’s also a predator who exploits female students and murders them when they become inconvenient.

Angie Dickinson plays Miss Betty Smith, a substitute teacher, while Telly Savalas is Captain Sam Surcher, the detective investigating the killings. The whole thing unfolds with a peculiar mixture of murder, sexual politics and dark comedy. You can almost feel Vadim enjoying the opportunity to push buttons.

There’s another important character in this strange school year. John David Carson plays Ponce de Leon Harper, a student Tiger takes under his wing and grooms as his future vice-principal. Ponce’s awkward sexual awakening becomes a major part of the story, with Miss Smith getting pulled into Tiger’s rather questionable plans for his protégé. The TCM film retrospective provides an account of this unusual subplot.

And here’s another little Star Trek surprise. James Doohan, better known to generations of fans as Scotty, appears as a character named Follo. So we have Gene Roddenberry behind the screenplay and Scotty himself turning up in this very strange high school murder mystery. You almost expect someone to shout, “Beam me out of here!”

It also got me thinking. If William Shatner had been cast alongside Rock Hudson, Tiger McDrew might have had some serious competition. Captain Kirk certainly had a reputation for attracting female attention wherever the Enterprise happened to land. Let’s just say Oceanfront High School might have needed a much bigger guidance department!

Tarantino, TCM and a Strange Hollywood Legacy

Here’s another unexpected twist. Quentin Tarantino included Pretty Maids All in a Row among the 12 films he selected for the 2012 Sight and Sound directors’ poll. That’s quite a surprise for a movie that received such a mixed reception. The British Film Institute’s account of the poll explains the directors’ selections, while this reproduced list of Tarantino’s 2012 selections records his choices.

We can only speculate about what appealed to him. The outrageous premise, unusual performances and strange combination of talent make it a fascinating Hollywood curiosity. He’s never been afraid to champion movies that other people might overlook, and this one certainly qualifies.

The film’s original reception was far from enthusiastic. Roger Ebert was particularly unimpressed, calling the movie embarrassing in his original 1971 review. Yet it has remained a curious entry in the history of cult cinema, attracting both admirers and viewers who can’t quite believe what they’re watching.

I’ve seen it several times on TCM, and I’m still surprised it keeps finding its way onto the schedule. More than 50 years later, the subject matter remains uncomfortable. A high school counsellor exploiting students and murdering them isn’t exactly light afternoon entertainment.

And then there’s the music. The film’s theme song was sung by The Osmonds, with a score by Lalo Schifrin. Yes, The Osmonds! Gene Roddenberry, Rock Hudson, Angie Dickinson, James Doohan, Roger Vadim, Lalo Schifrin and The Osmonds. That’s an extraordinary collection of names for one movie. TCM mentions the song in its film retrospective and production history.

Would Hollywood Make This Movie Today?

I have a hard time imagining a movie like this being made today with the same cast and approach. A production built around the sexual exploitation and murder of high school students would face enormous scrutiny. Getting major stars and a distributor comfortable with that particular combination would be a very different proposition.

That doesn’t mean controversial movies have disappeared. But there’s a difference between exploring disturbing subject matter and presenting it as provocative entertainment. The conversation around a film like this would be considerably different today.

What I find remarkable is the sheer unpredictability of the whole production. Rock Hudson, Angie Dickinson, Telly Savalas, James Doohan, Roger Vadim and Gene Roddenberry, with The Osmonds providing the musical cherry on top. It sounds as if somebody pulled a handful of completely unrelated names out of a hat.

I still find it fascinating that the creator of Star Trek made this movie, and even more remarkable that I can still stumble across it on TCM. Love it, hate it or wonder what on earth you just watched, Pretty Maids All in a Row certainly takes you where no Roddenberry fan might expect to go.

Sometimes the strangest voyages happen when you leave the starship behind.